So I'm sure it's nice to hear from my mom, but I figured I would share what it's like to actually be the 17 year old that's going through this. Luckily I've had an amazing support group! Without my girlfriend, family and friends who knows where I would truly be right now. Although things could be going worse I'm sure I speak for everybody with CRPS that this isn't exactly a walk in the park. Over the last eight months I've gone from a kid who would try to play sports and be outside as much as I possibly kid to somebody who isn't even half that active. Since it's summer some of that is starting to change but I'm not sure if I'll have all of that drive back again.
So first I'll try to explain the pain that I feel every second of every day. I've found that it's kind of impossible to find one way that explains how the pain acts all the time. My leg is so sensitive that even when somebody brushes up against the hairs on my leg it feels like I was slapped on a really bad sun burn. The inside of my leg is a totally different feeling I have the most intense aching feeling all the way to the bone and it never stops. My foot and leg always feel ice cold while it's burning inside. My average pain on a normal day is a 9/10. I can't wear pants and even wearing shorts is uncomfortable. Stress adds to this pain. And the frustration I've been going through from none of the treatments working at all so far has really increased it too.
My sleeping pattern has gone crazy since I was diagnosed with CRPS I'm usually awake until about three or until my body decides to shut itself off and force me to fall asleep. My attention span is so short that it's often hard to sit through a normal movie, I get so wound up and stressed out over the smallest things too.
The hardest part about living with chronic pain is having to grow up so fast. While most of my friends are living their high school lives I'm going to the hospital or I'm in too much pain to do what they are doing. I can't go to the gym and play basketball or go boating and wakeboard like I used to do. So I've been forced to find other things to consume my time. Most of these things don't stick around for too long because my attention span doesn't last long enough to enjoy them. I sit here and think to myself why did this happen to me?
But while most people will call me crazy to say that something that has put me in the hospital, taken my life away from me and put me in constant pain has had some good things come from it too. I've grown closer too some very special people in my life (you know who you are), I've figured out how lucky I used to be and my whole outlook on life has changed!
If I could take one lesson from all the frustration, grief and anger is don't take what you have for granted because at any given moment it can be taken away and I think everybody learns this at some point in their life. Unfortunately some learn sooner than later.
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